Is it Ok to be Self-Centered?

Self-centered? It sounds selfish. And not in a good way.

But, we can focus on self, put self first, and still be generous and kind. So, what does true self care mean? And how can it lead us to be our best selves?


Last year, a woman I was coaching wanted to talk about a relationship she was in. She was trying to decide whether or not to leave the relationship.

It would be the most difficult decision she’d ever have to make. And, I knew she had to come to her own conclusion or she might regret her decision either way.

What was my advice? I told her to be self-centered, or, a better phrase—to center on her inner Self.

I told her she didn’t have a big decision to make at all. Her decisions would only be little decisions, daily decisions. I told her to wake up every day, spend five minutes of alone time, in quiet, with herself. At the end of the five minutes, she should make a list of the things she needed to do and spend her time doing them.


“How will that help me decide what to do?” she asked.


I told her that when we focus on our inner Self, everything in our life seems to fall into place. Whether that’s a new job, a new relationship, health, it helps it all. We discussed that if every day, she woke up and did what she needed to do for that day, her short-term goals would get accomplished. Plus, she would be able to see a clear pattern in a few months, of whether it was bringing her closer to her partner or farther from her partner. Focusing on Self would help lead her towards her long-term goals.


Every day, when we wake up and focus on what the Self needs, it will usually tell us it needs to be fed healthful foods, it needs to have certain conversations to move our lives or work forward, it needs to cuddle our children or pets, it needs to go for a walk, and it needs to get plenty of rest. Maybe the Self will tell us to start that business or quit the job or the toxic relationship. Or maybe it will tell us to shut off our phones and take the day off.


Whatever it is, the Self knows what we need, and when we ignore it, we can run ourselves down.


If we ignore the Self to take care of friends and family, run the PTA meeting, help everyone else take care of everything else, without balance, we can end up making ourselves sick. And that knocks us out for way longer than that solitary walk, meditation, or bubble bath the self was asking for each day to relieve stress.


We are all busy. Sure, we have jobs, kids, lives. And, we are supposed to eat healthy, enjoy life, work out, work, make money, have friends, go on vacations, save money, see a therapist, visit our families, take care of our loved ones…how do we do it all?

One day at a time, one moment at a time, and with Life at the center. Most of us do not take time for ourselves, but it’s that little bit of time that can help us make the decisions, stay sane, and be able to handle the big things we need to handle in our lives.


So, take those few minutes a day to get quiet and give your inner intelligence the platform to talk to you about what you need for only that day. It can cut through the millions of voices and help you sort through your priorities.


Yes, it’s ok to be Self-centered—be balanced, and listen to your Self.



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