How to Get Over your Past Hurts

How to get over your past hurts?

So often, we try to run from our past hurts.

We try to ignore them, suppress them, forget them. We think that if we leave them alone, they will leave us alone. Research shows that that isn’t true!


When we try to avoid the hurts, we are putting a bandaid over a major infection. We distract ourselves in different ways—through eating, reading, sex, drinking, drugs, Facebook, Netflix.


So how do we start to unravel the past hurts and pain of abuse, neglect, divorce, the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one?


An author named Pema Chodron coined the phrase, “lean into the sharp points.” I like that. Byron Katie also discusses this topic—when you develop a real understanding of the pain, it loses its grip, and you don’t have to let go, it lets go of you.


I know, I know…it doesn’t sound fun. It is cathartic though, like a pressure release valve. And as you become more comfortable with this, it actually can be fun. At least the results are!


Leaning into the points, sitting with your anxiety or your fear until you really understand it, is not always easy. It can feel painful. There are times in the beginning that it might feel like the emotions will overwhelm you. But at the end of each quiet time where you listen to that inner voice, uncap that jar on your fears, and give voice to that pain, you are giving your inner Self time to talk to you.


Maybe you’ve shut up your inner Self for so long that it turned into a scary feeling, a “sharp point.” Giving your inner self time to ruminate on those past hurts will give it time to heal.


When you shine light on something in a new way, it changes it.

You’ll gain a new understanding of it. Maybe it won’t look so scary. Or maybe you’ll look at your mother’s neglect as her working long hours to be able to provide for you. Perhaps you’ll look at your ex leaving as something that saved you years of heartache, stuck in a difficult relationship. Maybe you’ll see that the abuse you suffered was not your fault.  


If your past hurts feel too overwhelming to address alone, getting help can be courageous and effective. Studies show that by talking about a traumatic event with someone that you trust can help you re-experience the event as something that is manageable. Each time you talk about it, the less power it has.


Lean into your points today. Put down the coping mechanisms. Listen to your inner Self.

Take the problem in your hand and look at it, really see it. It will dissolve in your palms as you give your Self the care and attention you need. You won’t have to cope, you won’t have to work on fixing.

The problem will resolve itself.


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