3 Hurtful Things People Say when You’re Trying to Change
People can say hurtful things when you’re making changes in your life.
What are these cloaked daggers, and how can you handle them?
1. “You’ve changed.”
This is a frustrating phrase! Why? Because of course we change! Everyone changes all of the time. People change rapidly—think about it—we grow up, we learn, we get jobs, get into relationships, buy new cars, experience depression…and we are supposed to remain the same person through all of that?
That’s not how life works.
To understand why people say this, let’s dig into why people think change is a bad thing. Our brains are hardwired to see people changing as bad, because our primal brain tells us too much change in a person means they are mentally ill. It’s caveman thinking and our brains haven’t caught up yet to the modern age where change is inevitable.
But more than that, even those who are closest to us, can subconsciously fight our changes. Why? Because ultimately they are afraid we will outgrow them. But, if the relationship is real, we grow together.
So go ahead and change. Embrace your new eating plan slowly. Start saving money and eating at home. Start your meditation practice with five minutes a day. Change gently, be kind to yourself, but forget the naysayers if the change you’re making is healthy.
2. “You’ve already tried that and it didn’t work.”
This is the opposite of “You’ve changed.” This one means, “You’ll never change.” When you’ve decided to get your health back, pursue meditation, try something new, people always step in and remind you of your past failure.
Ok, so maybe you did try that diet and you lost 20 pounds and quit losing. Maybe you even went back to your old habits after a year. But you know what? It was still better that you committed to your health at all. And for however long you kept it off, congratulations! And, since you did it, you know you can do it again!
So go again.
And this time, concentrate on where you broke down in your commitment to love yourself and pursue that dream. Did you get too busy? Set up boundaries. Did you quit your strength training because you hurt your shoulder? Try yoga. Did you quit meditating because you fell asleep every time? Keep trying.
The important thing is that things that are alive are changing, growing, developing, moving. When you don’t get up and try again…that’s the issue.
When you accomplish a great task, meet a goal, loose the weight, and the people closest to you ignore your achievement, it can be as hurtful as if they’d said something negative!
We all want to be supported and loved, and when the people around us don’t give us the support we feel like we need, it can make us angry, resentful, hateful, or feel worthless and feel like quitting.
So how do we push forward?
Get to know You. Write down the reasons you are trying to accomplish the changes you are working towards, and make sure they all have to do with who you are and what you need. If your reason is someone else, it won’t keep you going in the tough times.
Find another group of supporters! If your goal is making more money, join some money mindfulness meditation groups either online or in your city. If your goal is losing weight, find some people who are on the same track you are.
Loving, supportive people are all around us. They can help us meet goals and stay inspired. Five minutes of alone time and meditation a day can help you stay centered, but having extra pick me ups from outside resources is also a good idea.